Searching for peace through loss and forgiveness....

My name is Katie Steele.... This is the first blog I have ever written and I felt it was about time I started getting my story on paper in order to gain insight to my situation in hopes of beginning the healing process, as well as the posibility of hearing from other mothers and loved ones who have shared my experience.  On February 13, 2008, my 16 year old daughter Zoey Nichelle, made the fateful decision to get in to a car with an 18 year old drunk driver who was twice the limit... Zoey and I had a very open relationship, one where I felt confident that she would always call me before she would take this type of chance. We had such amazing deep conversations, ad even in the midst of teenage conflict, we always had a hug and I love you for one another. I had her at 18 years old ad we grew up together, She saved my life in many ways. When I got the call that morning, I was in disbelief because Zoey had gone to bed at 11pm after I thanked her for doing such a good job of cleaing her bathroom without me asking her and told her, as always, that I loved her. I was told that I needed to get to UMC hospital ASAP as her condition was "serious". All I remember thinking  was that I hope this is a wake up call for her and that she was going to be grounded for a very long time when she came home. Instead, as we waited for what seemed like hours, my mother and I were called into a private room and told that Zoey has put up a fight but that she had passed away from a spleen injury as well as severe head trauma. I remember collapsing on the floor and just saying "no,no,no this can't be happening". I then had to return to the waiting room to inform my 7 year old son and other family and friends that she did not make it. The last time I got to see my beautiful daughter was in a hospital bed with a tube still in her mouth and a scrape on her cheek. Not even a broken nail... That day I died inside. I was fortunate myself to have been in recovery for alcohol addiction, with 9 months sober, with an amazing support system of friends and family. I coped, what I remember, as very well considering that I felt dead inside. My world as I knew it would never be the same. The driver, who also killed another 17 year old boy and severly injured another female passenger was released and not charged for another approimately 3 months. This lead to her automatic release on bond, eleven continuances, a grand jury indictement, and 2 trial resets. Trial was set for september 19th, 2011 but she has now been offered a plea deal to plead guilty to only 2 counts of felony DUI. She has until august 22nd to accept this deal. She has also requested to meet with me in private next week before she makes a decision....In another blog I will write about how this experience has turned my life upside down but as for now the questions arise in my head as to how I truely feel about her and what compassion I somehow have for her....And what she or I will have to say to eachother in this meeting. I need to forgive her in order to have some peace in my life.... Thats all for now.... I will be back to tell more of my story...  Katie